Hey, how are you? I know it’s been a while, okay a little more than a while but I’m here.
Life has been, could you say interesting? Okay, I’ll just say it life has been life-ing (I’m pretty sure Meriam-Webster will be adding this to the dictionary soon). Let me be clear, I have been blessed in many ways and I’m grateful.
Yet, in this post, I am going to keep it classically CrystalSays. You guessed it, that means I’m going to be 100% real with you. I have been struggling emotionally and mentally.There’s no use in pretending. Your girl is tired.
I am what you would call an empath, so this means I feel things deeply. But I am also an optimist who is not ignorant of reality. What does this mean? It means, not only do I feel my own deep pains and sorrows, but I feel the pains and sorrows of others— even strangers. Yet with that, I look for a bright side, a change in perspective, hoping to give cheer to someone else and to myself. I’m not always successful.
Over the years, I started to experience sadness a little too often, I don’t even want to say the D word. This could partially be due to polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) which throws hormones out of whack, increasing likelihood of anxiety, depression, and a host of other not fun things.
Fast forward to this morning, the reason for this post. I went to bed in pain last night, physical pain and I woke up in that same pain. Debating whether or not I should get up and go to work or if I could even make it in to work, I checked the clock and saw that it was almost time for morning devotion. I began to pray. Actually, I’m not sure if I even started praying. I heard one word in my mind which seems like it was just a thought, I know now that it was the Holy Spirit. That word was “HELP”. Then I opened my Bible app, you would never guess what the scripture of the day was, so I’ll tell you.
“For I, the Lord your God, will hold your right hand, Saying to you, ‘Fear not, I will help you.’”
Isaiah 41:13 NKJV
God had heard a prayer I wasn’t sure I even prayed and I know for sure I didn’t finish. I admit when I got my tattoo, I wanted it as a reminder to always remember that I live in the presence of God, but the truth is, I didn’t always remember that. Coram Deo. Now I know that that statement is not only for me to remember that I live in the presence of God but also for me to remember that God is always present listening, watching and being Abba Father. He is fully aware of everything I’m facing, of everything I am feeling, of the moments where I think that I am at my breaking point and I have absolutely nothing left to give. God meets me there and He give me His grace and peace (despite my stubbornness).
My mind was completely blown this morning as I read that scripture and I felt a little less alone.
**If you want me to share more things like this (my vulnerabilities and experiences) drop me a note on the Facebook page, email or comment.
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#EmotionalWellnessJourney
#LifeingChronicles
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#OptimismInChallenges
#PCOSAwarenessAndMentalHealth
#FindingHopeThroughPrayer
#GodsGraceInHardTimes
#CoramDeoReflections
#OvercomingWithFaith
