Serious quandaries are made when you’re single and in your thirties. People ask you “why are you single?” or they boldly tell you to “hurry up and get someone to marry and have babies”. It makes me wonder why people keep track of my ovaries more than I do. I laugh, but seriously I’m going to hip you all to 5 things I am sure quite a bit of single ladies would like you all to know. If I am speaking for you please raise your hand, drop a comment and above all- share this post!
Here we go…
1. Stop Asking Why We Are Single
What answer are you really expecting when you ask your single friend or family member this question? When I used to get the question often I would scream on the inside, “I don’t know! If I knew then I would not be single!” I’m glad I decided to never voice those words because I have come to the realization that singleness is great time alone to get to know God, myself and live life in fullness. Not that you cannot do those things while in a relationship or marriage BUT singleness allows for no distractions and you’re only accountable to God and yourself.
So if you MUST know why I am single, I am single by choice. I am developing a deeper and fuller relationship with God and myself. I have done the dating of the “wrong ones” already and have resolved to let God hook me up and so that means choosing to remain single until God says “Surprise! Here is your husband!” Yes, you read that correctly, when I do switch from single to taken it will be leading to marriage because that is the only goal for dating for me. Period.
2. Do Not Count the Time On My Clock
Clearly, if I am cognizant I am aware of my age and of my body and its functions. Your time keeping skills are not needed for my ovaries and uterus. Thank you for your willingness but The Management does not need your services. No more, no less. It is just rude to constantly point out that a woman has not yet had children. The human body was created incredibly beautiful yet complex and you do not have the inside scoop on anyone’s internal plumbing to know what will or will not happen for them. Unless I engage you on the topic, skip the subject altogether, let’s just hang out and do something fun. Deal?
3. I May or May Not Have Made the Decision To Be Single (That Is My Business)
Covered in point number one, but it can be repeated. My decision to be single is my own. Women (because that’s my area of expertise) are often single for a plethora of reasons: choice, past hurts, abuse, loss of a loved one, insecurities, lover of personal freedom and no commitment… the list goes on. It really is not your business as to why or how, so please do not ask.
Now, there are times of involuntary singleness and we call that being “dumped”—no no, that’s too harsh but you get the point, a break up. In this case asking the question of ‘why’ comes at your own risk, you can be met with anger, sarcasm, tears, depression or any range of emotions that run the gamut- and rightly so. So an alternative would be to simply ask, “what are you doing tonight? Wanna watch a movie?” Look, I could have just saved your life, you’re welcome!
4. No I Am Not Bitter About Love, Love Is Beautiful
I am single and yes, I am pro “girl go live your life!” but that does not mean that I am bitter. I am in fact a romantic that has learned through her time of singleness that full and satisfying relationships happen when both parties know themselves and have gotten the chance to mature as individuals. Do I daydream about throwing darts at my exes? No, in fact I have gotten closure from them and have moved on, some take more time to heal because of their circumstances. I actually still speak to one of them, we are now great friends and that is all.
I have learned from these experiences different things and what love looks like, it really is much more different than television, movies and books make it seem. Love is beautiful, God is love and because I get to have this beautiful time with myself (being single) I get to experience God’s love and all of its nuances—I know what to look for and what to give in return. I am SWEET on love.
5. I Am Single Not Desperate or Dead
I cannot stress this enough, but I really wish I could. I am single; I am not desperate or dead. I don’t need you to set me up behind my back or accidentally create a “meeting”. While I may laugh hysterically, I seriously am uncomfortable with it. I need to be my authentic self, as one who is big on authenticity it is really important for me to just be me on dates.
As weird or nonsensical as it may sound, set ups really freak me out. Every ounce of quirky weirdness becomes visible because my mind is racing through various things like the hows and whys of it all. So please, if you love me, do not do this to me. On the flip side of this same blindsiding coin, we are not dead just because we have not been actively dating anyone. This is more so for people who want to date us, just ask- what's the worst that can happen? Just be cool and keep it natural.
*BONUS: For our friends that are in relationships, don't count us out of group outings it really hurts our feelings. Just ask us or invite us, its really about options because when is it not? Am I right?
These are 5 things to keep in mind about the singles in your life. :)
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